March 30, 2007: Join My Friday Celebri-Purge

I stop for a second, close my eyes and see before me a week's worth of celebrity images that dance like cracked-out sugarplums in the childish, dreamlike recesses of my mind. By blogging these thoughts and images, I will purge them from my mind and start fresh, which is my goal.

I am not going into my weekend thinking about any of the following:

1. That woman's coroner report with its black and white celebration of her pink hair extensions, tattoos, and unremarkable anus.
2. Virgie Arthur in a moo-moo, racing across the street from her Bahamian Hotel to score a Big Mac and fries, as media reporters caught the quite familiar scene on tape yet again. Hey, mamasita, go see SuperSize Me, OK?
3. Sanjaya's flaming faux-hawk, and by the way, the hair isn't all that's flaming. I saw way too many interviews with Princess Jasmine Sanjaya, and her Weho Idol Stylist. For one last time before you purge, play with the Washington Post's online paper doll cut-outs of Sanjaya hair options. (thanks to Sabotrix for sending). Before your final celebri-fare-thee-well, check out the numerous similarities between Sanjaya and Mowgli from Jungle Book.
4. Britney's divorce and custody agreement finalized. Britney and Kevin split the trailer, and Promises gets the kids.
5. Halle Berry and her suicide attempt a couple of decades ago. Maya and Oprah need to swoop in and do an intervention on Halle, or at least tape her drama-queen mouth shut. Forget trying to be the recent Oscar winner with the saddest, toughest past. Charlize "My mother shot my father and she'll shoot you, too, if you don't shut the fuck up" Theron and Hillary "I lived in a VW until I was 23" Swank have cornered that market.
6. More down home sadness for the Judd's as Wy files for a big-old-Tammy-Wynette-style d-i-v-o-r-c-e from wacko husband who faces sexual battery charges against a minor.
7. Jonathan Rhys Myers and his pouty lips, which are everywhere as The Tudors premieres on Showtime. He might be a fem metrosexual in real life, as Scarlett Johanson revealed when she said he was only interested in shoe shopping. But he does a bang up job playing a macho lust machine. Still, I have to let him go. It's not healthy.
8. The unrelenting schadenfreude of possible jail time for Paris.
9. Ricky Martin's support for gay pop stars. Not him, of course. As he once told Oprah, when he thinks about those things too much, he just does yoga. Yeah, bring on the down dog, baby. It's just like that.
10. The fabulous I Heart Huckabees Blowup Video between Lily Tomlin and David O. (stands for O-h My God, I Am Deranged) Russell, and the blissful rumor that George Clooney leaked it.

What's on your Friday Celebri-purge list?