March 26, 2007: Goddamn Celebrity Hack

Do you see what I am up against? More juvenile Celebri-spiraling that's probably at the maturity level of Calvin and Hobbs.

Here I am, your Super Celebri-spiraler! More powerful than a locomotive! Able to leap over crappy tabloid websites with a single bound! Fighting for the rights of good people to lead a less celebrity culture-driven life.

And yet, I'm still up against it when sites like Celebrity Hack spring up like crabgrass. Goddamn them.

Here's how this relatively new kid on the celebrity snark block promotes itself:

Celebrity Hack Now With 2/3 Less Integrity! In the old days, a “celebrity hack” was a two-bit tabloid reporter who dug up dirt on the stars. These days, we have bloggers. Big improvement. But hey… who are you to judge? What the hell are you doing here anyway, looking for reference material for your thesis on 19th Century Russian literature? I’ve got two tips for you: 1. Subscribe to Celebrity Hack, and 2. Dostoyevsky beats Tolstoy with most professors.

We’re in the Stupid Celebrity Business… and Business is Good. Because life sucks, you need diversions, and this crap is free... Sign up for updates, would ya?

Jesus, Mary, and Britney! This is just what we need now. More of the snarky same. It's smart-ass delicious, but it's the celebrity equivalent of a Big Mac-not good for us. You are going there aren't you? No! Don't! Fight the evil urge to celebri-spiral! Aw crap, too late. I am soooo not proud of you for doing that. At least my visit was research.