April 20, 2007: Happy Father's Day Alec Baldwin

This phone call caused me to have a complete celebri-spiral. It's one thing to read about celebrities behaving badly; it's another to experience it on tape. On the call, an enraged Alec Baldwin, who clearly needs to head back to Anger Management classes, unleashes a volcanic tirade of threats and insults on his 11-year-old daughter, Ireland, calling her a "thoughtless little pig," and bashing his ex, Kim Basinger.

TMZ obtained the whole thing "unfiltered and raw" (dramatic Web copy, TMZ. Brava!) I mean, I hate it when my nieces don't answer their cell phones, but going all "Thea-tuh Actor" meets "The Sopranos" on your kid is not going to win you a Father of the Year award.

The tape cost Baldwin his visitation rights, at least temporarily, and I have a feeling a few publishing execs are praying there's an "out" clause in Alec's book contract to pen a tome on fathers facing divorce and custody issues. Um, maybe Kevin Federline should write this instead now.

Or, maybe someone should write a guide for celebrities so that they understand how to win on the new digital playing field, which records their every movement, drunken fall, panty-less escapade, and voicemail message. Instead of running the bases with ease, many of them are getting knocked out by the ball. Call the book "From here to youtube in less than an hour."

As for today's latest celebri-spiral, doesn't the Baldwin-Basinger marriage and subsequent divorce make War of the Roses seem like Ozzie and Harriet Have a Spat?