May 11, 2007: Human RSS Feeds for Celebri-spiralers

Today's post is inspired by PR-maven Suzanne, who's come up with a new term for those who race to celebri-spiralers like us with the latest celeb-news. The term is Human RSS Feeds, and it's a spin on the direct news feeds that every major media outlet offers. It's fitting. Don't celebri-spiralers, in one way or another, train those close to us to give us what we want?

The question is why do they do it? Co-dependent enabling? Overeagerness to please? In Suzanne's case, is it that she's the mom and they want parental approval? Suzanne says she's trained her kids to rush to her with celebrity news, as if she's not already on it! In fact, our group of friends races to email each other with celebrity scoops, and Suzanne usually wins.

I think she's set the bar high for the kids in some scary, celeb-hued Mommie Dearest take-off, in which mother says sternly, plainly to child, "You will never, ever beat Mommy at getting the latest celeb-gossip. But you must try, Christina, try! Compete with US Magazine alerts and TMZ!"

Writes Suzanne (and I paraphrase) about a typical morning in which The Today Show was on in the background at around 7:30 A.M. as the family readied for their day, and daughter Ellie needed to relay celeb-news to Mom.

"Ellie came running in, saying 'Mom, on TV they just showed a clip from Sound of Music and then one from Mary Poppins back to back....'

I cut her off, pushed her aside trying to get to the TV while wondering aloud, 'Oh my god, has something happened to Julie Andrews?!'

It's funny where my mind went immediately. As I wondered if Julie had died, I thought of the other possibilities. Could it be: A) new book, B) some charity rah rah, C) an early Shrek 3 promo, or D) her death announcement. I shrieked at the possibility that it might be #4. In truth, it was # 1.

Maybe it's just an itching for some delicious celebri-tragedy served with your oatmeal? I know when I hear anyone even say "Charl" as in Charlie or Charleston, South Caroline, I immediately assume it's the death announcement of very ill actor Charlton Heston, Mr. N.R.A. himself. Some newscaster is coming on to say that Moses has finally fallen like a tablet off the earth mount."

I'm sure that, when Mr. H. finally does pass, Ellie and thousands of other human RSS feeds will get to work, informing their respective celebri-spiralers of the breaking news.

How many of us have Human RSS feeds? Who's yours?