Celebri-spiral™: Enough Already

Our culture is in a celebri-spiral. We're conflicted over our ridiculous, growing celebrity culture consumption via magazines, websites, and TV shows. In 2007, my love/hate conflict made me take to the blog-o-sphere. All writing on this site © Dave Singleton 2009.

Tuesday, February 6, 2007

February 6, 2007: Basta, Gwyneth. Enough With the Interviews

I've held off on Gwyneth Paltrow. She's pretty. She's a good actress. I am sure she recycles. No doubt her children eat organic baby food, and it seems like her relationship with Mom, Blythe Danner, is strong. She and Madonna are going to be old, skinny British doyennes together and ride bicycles in Yorkshire. It's all good.

That's why I overlooked the alleged knocks against America vs. England and Portugal, from separate interviews in different years. After all, translators can't get anything right. Except of course, when they do (remember Mel Gibson's pre sugar tits Spanish rant?). And the British. Well, they are just impossible. Except, of course, when according to the wrongly translated Brit interviews, they are more civilized than Americans. Anyway, Gwynnie's upset about the misperception, but why does it keep happening, as Pop Sugar asks?

I even overlooked the snarky upper lip sneer during interviews and slow, world-weary slinking on red carpets and clearly PR-centric parties.

But they're not the point of today's blog-o-rant. Today, the focus is on another interview, in which she comments, "I reached a place where I thought, 'It's okay that I have a passion for something besides my family.' I love making films. If I do one thing that makes me fulfilled, then I'm a more interesting woman for my children."

As my friend Lisa G. comments, "Aren't her children, like, three years old? I would think their interest would be most captivated by popsicles and Television, not the identity of their mother. If these children grow up to have an ounce of insight, they will know to replace "interesting" with "pretentious."

Really. Is this just another example of how everyone now does everything, even the self-serving things, for "the children." Then I am writing this blog because it makes me a more interesting uncle, OK? Does she really feel the need to justify why she took a film gig? Did she really need to tell us how much she was over Hollywood when she got pregnant?

Cmon' Gwyneth. Basta. We get that being a happy, fulfilled person will make you a better mom, woman, wife, and whatever else you want to be. Moses and Apple don't want to sip their organic juicy-juice with a put-upon grouch. But you must know that this concept is not such a stretch for the demographic who read magazines like Harper's Bazaar, People, and Vogue, where your interviews appear.

So, enough of the weird interviews in which you sound elitist and self-indulgent, OK? If it's a misrepresentation issue, work it out. You've been doing this long enough to know how you'll sound. Take a cue from Julia Roberts, who is a master at giving funny interviews that get the job done, without saying anything.


Blogger Lisa G said...

I am feeling less irritated already after your upbraiding of the Paltro. P.S. Loving the shout out.

Monday, February 05, 2007 7:17:00 PM  
Blogger Dave Singleton said...

Well then, I guess Celebri-spiral is here to heal.

But Lisa G, are you now all about defense of the stars?

Monday, February 05, 2007 7:48:00 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

I will give it to you, Gwynnie's whole "I am just so evolved, all this fat American obsession with Hollywood is meaningless" spiel has become tiresome. But that fact is, we listen to Gwyneth because we know she is just better than we are. Deep down, we crave her distance and want to be punished for caring about what she has to say about anything. Gwyneth Paltrow is like that distant, patrician mother who quietly disapproves of everyting you wear, the books you read, the music you listen to and the company you keep. She sneers at our weaknesses and we love it--I mean, really, can't we all keep a macrobiotic diet as she does? Face it, we just want to be like her....don't we?

Tuesday, February 06, 2007 7:38:00 AM  
Blogger Lisa G said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007 9:23:00 AM  
Blogger Lisa G said...

Less irritated does not constitute a defense. Rest assured this pimple will flare up again.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007 9:24:00 AM  
Blogger Lisa G said...

I've hated G.Pal ever since ... forever, and I would argue that no one wants to be like her. Before she became the patrician mother, she was the patrician girl in high school that everyone wanted to be liked by, but who was herself liked by no one. Insofar as people want to be liked, I suppose, they want to be like her. But no one wants to be known for protesting their anti-Americanism by saying with snobbish and self-important pride things like, "I've always said that Americans live to work and Europeans work to live," as though we were the very first ones to make these observations, when in fact these observations have been on public record for a hundred and one years, probably in the New Yorker. What she bills as her own intellectualism is actually a veiled version of the vapidity she so derides ... because although the content is slightly more elevated than chicken-of-the-sea confusion, none of her ideas are original. This is what makes her insipid.

She needs to cling to this facade of intellectualism, of course, because if she didn't she would have to get breast implants like everyone else in Hollywood, who, annoying though they may be, at least do not try to pretend they are not vain and vapid by quoting from their copies of Satre for Dummies. Being on the flat-chested side, she has opted for pseudo-insightful cultural criticism. This makes her the patrician version of Paris Hilton.

God, remember when she appeared on some red carpet with those stupid cupping marks all over her back?? She could have worn something that covered her back, but she could not pass up the chance to show off her faux spiritualism or holistic leanings or whatever.

I could go on and on in this vein. As I mentioned, I have been a G.Pal hater for most of my life. I hope this movie she's coming out of motherhood for bombs so badly that she is forced to downgrade to theater, which is not a gig that would result in us having to watch her on Letterman.

Chris Martin is boring and unhot.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007 9:49:00 AM  

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